I always say this is all about total honesty. So once again I’m writing what I’d rather not admit. I have been utterly failing. I did so well with my eating until I reached 6 months. Then I began to struggle. For the last 4 months I’ve been going back and forth. The last month has been ridiculous. We recently moved to Arizona from Florida so I’ve lost my gym and my trainer. About a month ago I quit training and let my pt go because we were moving. Then we took our youth group to camp for a week, spent the next week packing up and cleaning, the next week driving to AZ, and finally a week of getting settled in our new house. This week I thought I’d finally get back on track, but instead I’ve been turning to food every time I get bored or argue with my husband or just want to be lazy. Honestly, my eating has been exactly like before I was set free. If I continue like this it is only a matter of time before I’m back where I was.
I have had some improvement. 2 out of 3 days I’ve forced myself to get up and go for a walk. I feel like I’m starting over from scratch. I don’t feel like running, don’t want to workout, no energy, moody, blah blah blah. I’ve been looking at some of my old pics. I truly do NOT want to go back to that. I miss my trainer and I miss the gym and I have every excuse in the book to just give up. I have no accountability anymore and no encouragement. But I can’t give up. I have to get back in the game and move forward. I want health. I want to have energy. I want to be able to stay awake for the whole day without needing a nap. I want my back to not hurt every morning. I want to be able to run. It’s frustrating to have to start over from the beginning. But we need to remember when we fall that we have still made progress. I am still 70 pounds lighter than I was last year. I can jog farther than I could last year. Yes, I have fallen. I am not where I was 4 months ago, but I can get back there.
I need to remember that there are people who believe in me. I deserve freedom and I desire to take others with me into that freedom. I am praying that God will send me new accountability to help get my focus back, but either way – it is time to continue this journey. Father, give me the determination I need to be what I’m created to be. ALL that I’m created to be.
NOTE - this was written August 11th, before we had internet. Decided to share it with everyone. Maybe it will touch someone else to not give up.
