I always think of things I want to share here, but I guess I forget them just as quick because I'm always suprised at how many days have passed since my last blog. I need to check in though because I'm about to start on a nbew adventure - so to speak. For several years now I have fasted sugar for the month of January. Since food has been my struggle, I've chosen the first month of the year to offer to God believing to one day be set free. This year 2 things happened - 1. I have been set free and 2. I ate items with sugar in them several times in January without realizing it. Also, the last 2 weeks I've had a hard time - no motivation to walk, run, or work out. So this week I decided to dedicate February to God and to honoring Him with my body. I'm going to focus for 4 weeks on running, working out, and eating right. AND PRAYER. I will weigh myself tomorrow morning and then I am vowing to stay off the scales until March 1st. That will probably be my hardest battle because I am about 5 pounds away from my next goal. (Lose 25 pounds and get to 275 by Easter)
Last week I gained a couple pounds and this past week I worked harder to regain my loss. I love the way I'm feeling and I'm excited to see what results will come throughout the next month. Stick with me - we'll go places!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Perfect Strength
My trainer cancelled today; said he wasn't feeling well. It was strange having Saturday off. This was the first Saturday we haven't met since I started working out. I've not been motivated this week at all so I was really needing this workout. Of course I didn't take the motivation to work out on my own. My husband came through today. He walked over a mile with me. We jogged one street of our walk. That was cool. I need to remember how thrilling it feels when I jog farther than I have ever before. That's what gets me back out there. I've been so off track this week. I walked 2 miles Thursday and worked out super hard with my trainer Tuesday night. That was about it for the entire week! Getting refocused. I wish I had accountability to get me to the YMCA. I have a membership, just haven't been able to push past the self conscious fear to try something new. I really should. It's just hard to do new things by yourself sometimes. Plus I'm not sure if I'm ready for group stuff - what if I can't keep up with anyone else yet? But it's not about them, it's about me. I need to keep going for myself. Easier said than done.
Spent some time praying last night and today. I've realized lately that I haven't been relying on God as much as I was before. That's a dangerous place to be - old thought patterns quickly try to sneak back in. "Don't count calories today, just eat what you want, finish your meal even though your not hungry, don't throw that away, yada yada yada. It can be very easy to slip back into those patterns. The ONLY way I have found to maintain my freedom is to run to God. To hide behind Him, to rely on His perfect strength. Already I feel stronger. It works. Tonight I wanted to eat extra. I've been praying, "God, be my perfect strength." It's working. Here I am - not at the fridge. His strength is made perfect in my weakness." Thank you Jesus!
Spent some time praying last night and today. I've realized lately that I haven't been relying on God as much as I was before. That's a dangerous place to be - old thought patterns quickly try to sneak back in. "Don't count calories today, just eat what you want, finish your meal even though your not hungry, don't throw that away, yada yada yada. It can be very easy to slip back into those patterns. The ONLY way I have found to maintain my freedom is to run to God. To hide behind Him, to rely on His perfect strength. Already I feel stronger. It works. Tonight I wanted to eat extra. I've been praying, "God, be my perfect strength." It's working. Here I am - not at the fridge. His strength is made perfect in my weakness." Thank you Jesus!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Little Things Matter
I am learning to find little ways to increase my activity and raise my self esteem. As hard as it is to spend time on myself, I must admit that I feel good when I do good things for me. I have to remember these things when I feel down. I'm realizing there are little things I can do to make a difference. For example, I walk to work a few times during the week. I throw (or gently place!) my laptop in a backpack, add my lunch, water, snacks, and any paperwork I need. Squeeze in a cute pair of shoes and I'm out the door. Today I started down the road and thought, "This backpack is kinda heavy; maybe I should just drive." Then I remembered that I've recently lost 40 pounds and my backpack is much less than that so I can handle this! As I walked the 15 minute journey to the office, I remembered the first time I took this trip. About a year ago, I walked it one time with my daughter. I had not even made it half way before my back was hurting and I was exhausted. Now I can walk the whole thing. Sometimes I walk home to!! I am blessed with an awesome husband that picks me up when I don't want to make the return trip, but thed important thing is to find little things that will increase your dailt activity. Here are some of the changes I've made:
I park at the end of the parking lot at Wal Mart. No more circling around looking for close spots. (This is probably faster anyway!!) Sometimes I will jog to the entrance to for some added exercise. I try to walk faster while I'm in the store. I work on holding my stomach muscles and core tight while I'm at work. Even though I sit most of the time, I can add to my health my squeezing those muscles! I take the stairs instead of the elevator. I know, I know, we've heard that before, but it works! Not long ago, I could not walk up one flight of stairs without being extremely out of breath. Now I make it up with no problem. And I'm still considered morbidly obese!! Trust me, your heart will respond to any attempts to strengthen it - regardless of how big you are. Now PLEASE if you have health problems - seek the advise of a doctor or get their opinion on anything I tell you - just to be safe. So, if you get up one flight of stairs and need to use the bathroom (to hide while you catch your breath so no one will see how bad it is!) just remember this. Everytime you do that, every time you push through - you are stepping closer to the day when you will make that climb and still be able to breathe normally! And you will be shouting on the inside when you realize it has happened!
So what small differences have you made to increase your activity? Share your ideas . . .
I park at the end of the parking lot at Wal Mart. No more circling around looking for close spots. (This is probably faster anyway!!) Sometimes I will jog to the entrance to for some added exercise. I try to walk faster while I'm in the store. I work on holding my stomach muscles and core tight while I'm at work. Even though I sit most of the time, I can add to my health my squeezing those muscles! I take the stairs instead of the elevator. I know, I know, we've heard that before, but it works! Not long ago, I could not walk up one flight of stairs without being extremely out of breath. Now I make it up with no problem. And I'm still considered morbidly obese!! Trust me, your heart will respond to any attempts to strengthen it - regardless of how big you are. Now PLEASE if you have health problems - seek the advise of a doctor or get their opinion on anything I tell you - just to be safe. So, if you get up one flight of stairs and need to use the bathroom (to hide while you catch your breath so no one will see how bad it is!) just remember this. Everytime you do that, every time you push through - you are stepping closer to the day when you will make that climb and still be able to breathe normally! And you will be shouting on the inside when you realize it has happened!
So what small differences have you made to increase your activity? Share your ideas . . .
Friday, January 15, 2010
Rambling Thoughts
How do 2 weeks go by without me writing?! I feel like it's only been a few days!! I will def try to get better about this. I'm always thinking of things I would like to share, and then don't seem to get them here. It's like I write them in my head but not down on the comp. Anyways, I'm still plugging along. I have made it 90 days now and I've lost over 40 pounds. I know that is a lot, and I'm incredibly grateful, but it is starting to come off slower and I'm getting frustrated. I don't want to give up - I don't want to ever go back to what I was, but I almost want people to stop making a big deal about it. Don't get me wrong, part of me loves attention. (Total honesty, right?) Knowing people are watching helps me keep working. But another part of me wants to stop working so hard and just settle for how far I've gotten - just keep my eating plan and let go of all the hard workout stuff. Like, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a "fit" person, and I should just accept being smaller, but give up trying to be toned.
This post is just going to be my ramblings because right now so many different things run through my brain. I think the reality is that my brain is having a hard time waiting for my body to catch up. See, I feel amazing. I feel younger, taller, thinner, stronger - beautiful. Then I look in the mirror. And the old mindset comes flying back in. Instead of seeing the improvement and all I've accomplished I see all that's left to do. I see how much fat is still there. I see what my trainer sees and I think I should do him a favor and quit. Why would anyone want to work with a person my size? What a joke I must be.
I am posting this hoping that someoen out there who deals with this stuff will realize they are not alone. Hopefully I can help someone somewhere to refuse to give up - atleast for today. See, this is where we must fight the battle in our mind. This is where we have to be open with someone (especially God) and let another person know our fears. I wrote above what I think my trainer sees when I work with him, but what he has actually told some is that seeing how hard I work makes him want to work harder in his own life. I motivate him! We must realize that the junk in our head is simply that - junk. I must keep working - some days I'll do better than others, but everyday I will strive to honor God with my body. And I will wait - patient or not - for my body to catch up with my brain. (Explanation of this later!)
This post is just going to be my ramblings because right now so many different things run through my brain. I think the reality is that my brain is having a hard time waiting for my body to catch up. See, I feel amazing. I feel younger, taller, thinner, stronger - beautiful. Then I look in the mirror. And the old mindset comes flying back in. Instead of seeing the improvement and all I've accomplished I see all that's left to do. I see how much fat is still there. I see what my trainer sees and I think I should do him a favor and quit. Why would anyone want to work with a person my size? What a joke I must be.
I am posting this hoping that someoen out there who deals with this stuff will realize they are not alone. Hopefully I can help someone somewhere to refuse to give up - atleast for today. See, this is where we must fight the battle in our mind. This is where we have to be open with someone (especially God) and let another person know our fears. I wrote above what I think my trainer sees when I work with him, but what he has actually told some is that seeing how hard I work makes him want to work harder in his own life. I motivate him! We must realize that the junk in our head is simply that - junk. I must keep working - some days I'll do better than others, but everyday I will strive to honor God with my body. And I will wait - patient or not - for my body to catch up with my brain. (Explanation of this later!)
Saturday, January 2, 2010
It's the Little Things!
So, I ended the year at 289 pounds. I lose 2 more pounds I will have lost 40 pounds!! God willing, I will never be in the 300's again! YEAHHHHH!!!! There are times that I get frustrated and times I have wanted to give up for a meal or for a day, but God is and has been everything I need. Have some emotions that seem to be surfacing now tht I don't hide everything with food, but it hasn't been real bad. I noticed that I have a harder time when I skip exercising. Last week I had a medical procedure done and with the holidays I couldn't workout last week. I was grumpy and miserable. The one day I was able to walk/jog about a mile and my whole attitude was better! I realized just how important exercise is - for my emotional health as well as physical! : )
There are things I'm noticing that I never expected when I began this journey. Sure, I knew I'd lose weight, I just didn't expect to lose it the way I am. I think most of my fat is in my stomach area so of course that seem s to go down the slowest. But I'm pretty much losing everywhere. My bra was the first thing to get too big. The thing I didn't expect though is my shoes are now too big and my wedding rings keep falling off! I have to laugh it off. Praise God!
There are things I'm noticing that I never expected when I began this journey. Sure, I knew I'd lose weight, I just didn't expect to lose it the way I am. I think most of my fat is in my stomach area so of course that seem s to go down the slowest. But I'm pretty much losing everywhere. My bra was the first thing to get too big. The thing I didn't expect though is my shoes are now too big and my wedding rings keep falling off! I have to laugh it off. Praise God!
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