Who Am I?

I have a hero. Yes, of course, Jesus, but I mean besides Jesus. Someone I admire and am inspired by. His name is Apolo Anton Ohno. He is an Olympic speed skater. He is the most decorated American in winter games history. I know there are many other stroies out there that are full of inspiration; tons of people who push themselves and achieve what most of us can't even dream about, but for some reason Apolo is one that I really seem to connect with. I admire his determination to work hard and push himself harder; to refuse to be anything but the best he can be. I've quoted something I heard him say before; something like "Everyday I ask myself, have I done my absolute best at being the best I can be?" That inspires me. It makes me think. And dream. And he is the reason for today's blog - or at least the begining of it.

Apolo Ohno recently published a book called "Zero Regrets." I started reading it yesterday. I am on page 6 now. I know, that isn't much, but sometimes it doesn't take much for God to speak to me! He mentioned having to know who you want to be - not WHAT you want to be - WHO. And then go after it with everything you've got. So for 2 days I've been asking God, Who am I? Who was I created to be? Because that is who I want to be - the person God designed for me to be. What's the difference between who I am and what I am? Still not real sure on that one. I'm 42 years old and I'm still not sure that I even know who I am. Hmmmmm. I went to sleep last night asking God "Who am I?" And I woke up thinking about it still. So in thmy prayer time this morning I wrote down what I did know. Then I worte what God revealed. Time for more total honesty.

I do have regrets. I admit it. I regret that I haven't done more with my life. I regret getting this out of shape and not caring about myself more. I regret that I never did anything incredible with the brain God gave me. I was ranked in the top 9% of my high school class, I tested at borderline genius, I graduated valedictorian of Bible College - yet I sit here as day after day passes by and I've not accomplished anymore than the average person - maybe even less. This may be my biggest regret. I completely believe that if God gave me a highly intelligent brain there was a reason; which means I have also disapointed Him and failed in my giftings. (Not walking in condemnation - just total honesty - sometimes needed to get to the other side.) Bear with me here. I regret how mean and judgemental I am to the people around me. And I truly regret that I can honestly say that there are times in my past where I was much more intimate with God than I am right now.

So there I am. Confronted with my regrets. I do have some. But what I realized in writing this stuff down is this - I have the power to change every single one. No one else can change it - but I CAN. Acknowledging the regrets gives me a starting point. I know where to focus. I would encourage everyone to do this. Take some time to write down the regrets you have and then look over it. If there are some you can't change - things that have happened to you - make a decision now to release them - let them go. I don't regret the things in my past - they brought me to where I am; they developed character and strength in my life. Then take the rest of your list and decide today to do soemthing different. Do you regret getting married? Then choose to be the best spouse you can possibly be! Whatever it is that you regret - make the decision to move past that by doing something to change it.

Now for the next part - Who Am I? Who do I want to be? What I am is easy - pastor, teacher, mother, wife, personal trainer. What I want to be is easy - speaker, author, motivator. But WHO AM I? This has stumped me. What is the difference? God took me to His word. Who Am I according to his word? More than a conqueror. Overcomer. A Christian. Christian is not what I am - it's who I am; because I'm a Christian I can overcome the regrets in my life. I can run and not grow weary. So I have determined to take Who I am and my list of regrets, and come up with a few basic goals in which to live my life.

I commit to be the best wife/mother I can be.
I commit to be the best Christian I can be.
I commit to be the best trainer I can be.
I commit to be the best author I can be.
I commit to be the best speaker I can be.
I commit to be the best life I can be. If today is the last day I have, if today is the day I will be remembered for, I want it to count.

By the end of prayer, I had my answer.
WHO do I want to be?
Someone who loves life
Who lives
Who enjoys God and His creation
Who tries to be the best I can be.

That's Who I am - and I will go after that with everything I have.

Little Things Matter

I am learning to find little ways to increase my activity and raise my self esteem.  As hard as it is to spend time on myself, I must admit that I feel good when I do good things for me.  I have to remember these things when I feel down.  I'm realizing there are little things I can do to make a difference.  For example, I walk to work a few times during the week.  I throw (or gently place!) my laptop in a backpack, add my lunch, water, snacks, and any paperwork I need.  Squeeze in a cute pair of shoes and I'm out the door.  Today I started down the road and thought, "This backpack is kinda heavy; maybe I should just drive."  Then I remembered that I've recently lost 40 pounds and my backpack is much less than that so I can handle this!  As I walked the 15 minute journey to the office, I remembered the first time I took this trip.  About a year ago, I walked it one time with my daughter.  I had not even made it half way before my back was hurting and I was exhausted.  Now I can walk the whole thing.  Sometimes I walk home to!!  I am blessed with an awesome husband that picks me up when I don't want to make the return trip, but thed important thing is to find little things that will increase your dailt activity.  Here are some of the changes I've made:

I park at the end of the parking lot at Wal Mart.  No more circling around looking for close spots.  (This is probably faster anyway!!)  Sometimes I will jog to the entrance to for some added exercise.  I try to walk faster while I'm in the store.  I work on holding my stomach muscles and core tight while I'm at work.  Even though I sit most of the time, I can add to my health my squeezing those muscles!  I take the stairs instead of the elevator.  I know, I know, we've heard that before, but it works!  Not long ago, I could not walk up one flight of stairs without being extremely out of breath.  Now I make it up with no problem.  And I'm still considered morbidly obese!!  Trust me, your heart will respond to any attempts to strengthen it - regardless of how big you are.  Now PLEASE if you have health problems - seek the advise of a doctor or get their opinion on anything I tell you - just to be safe.  So, if you get up one flight of stairs and need to use the bathroom (to hide while you catch your breath so no one will see how bad it is!) just remember this.  Everytime you do that, every time you push through - you are stepping closer to the day when you will make that climb and still be able to breathe normally!  And you will be shouting on the inside when you realize it has happened!

So what small differences have you made to increase your activity?  Share your ideas . . .