Who Am I?

I have a hero. Yes, of course, Jesus, but I mean besides Jesus. Someone I admire and am inspired by. His name is Apolo Anton Ohno. He is an Olympic speed skater. He is the most decorated American in winter games history. I know there are many other stroies out there that are full of inspiration; tons of people who push themselves and achieve what most of us can't even dream about, but for some reason Apolo is one that I really seem to connect with. I admire his determination to work hard and push himself harder; to refuse to be anything but the best he can be. I've quoted something I heard him say before; something like "Everyday I ask myself, have I done my absolute best at being the best I can be?" That inspires me. It makes me think. And dream. And he is the reason for today's blog - or at least the begining of it.

Apolo Ohno recently published a book called "Zero Regrets." I started reading it yesterday. I am on page 6 now. I know, that isn't much, but sometimes it doesn't take much for God to speak to me! He mentioned having to know who you want to be - not WHAT you want to be - WHO. And then go after it with everything you've got. So for 2 days I've been asking God, Who am I? Who was I created to be? Because that is who I want to be - the person God designed for me to be. What's the difference between who I am and what I am? Still not real sure on that one. I'm 42 years old and I'm still not sure that I even know who I am. Hmmmmm. I went to sleep last night asking God "Who am I?" And I woke up thinking about it still. So in thmy prayer time this morning I wrote down what I did know. Then I worte what God revealed. Time for more total honesty.

I do have regrets. I admit it. I regret that I haven't done more with my life. I regret getting this out of shape and not caring about myself more. I regret that I never did anything incredible with the brain God gave me. I was ranked in the top 9% of my high school class, I tested at borderline genius, I graduated valedictorian of Bible College - yet I sit here as day after day passes by and I've not accomplished anymore than the average person - maybe even less. This may be my biggest regret. I completely believe that if God gave me a highly intelligent brain there was a reason; which means I have also disapointed Him and failed in my giftings. (Not walking in condemnation - just total honesty - sometimes needed to get to the other side.) Bear with me here. I regret how mean and judgemental I am to the people around me. And I truly regret that I can honestly say that there are times in my past where I was much more intimate with God than I am right now.

So there I am. Confronted with my regrets. I do have some. But what I realized in writing this stuff down is this - I have the power to change every single one. No one else can change it - but I CAN. Acknowledging the regrets gives me a starting point. I know where to focus. I would encourage everyone to do this. Take some time to write down the regrets you have and then look over it. If there are some you can't change - things that have happened to you - make a decision now to release them - let them go. I don't regret the things in my past - they brought me to where I am; they developed character and strength in my life. Then take the rest of your list and decide today to do soemthing different. Do you regret getting married? Then choose to be the best spouse you can possibly be! Whatever it is that you regret - make the decision to move past that by doing something to change it.

Now for the next part - Who Am I? Who do I want to be? What I am is easy - pastor, teacher, mother, wife, personal trainer. What I want to be is easy - speaker, author, motivator. But WHO AM I? This has stumped me. What is the difference? God took me to His word. Who Am I according to his word? More than a conqueror. Overcomer. A Christian. Christian is not what I am - it's who I am; because I'm a Christian I can overcome the regrets in my life. I can run and not grow weary. So I have determined to take Who I am and my list of regrets, and come up with a few basic goals in which to live my life.

I commit to be the best wife/mother I can be.
I commit to be the best Christian I can be.
I commit to be the best trainer I can be.
I commit to be the best author I can be.
I commit to be the best speaker I can be.
I commit to be the best life I can be. If today is the last day I have, if today is the day I will be remembered for, I want it to count.

By the end of prayer, I had my answer.
WHO do I want to be?
Someone who loves life
Who lives
Who enjoys God and His creation
Who tries to be the best I can be.

That's Who I am - and I will go after that with everything I have.