I woke up hungry today. I thought about all the people in the world who wake up hungry every day and wish they weren't. I rejoice that I am. For too long I have used excuses to give in to the desires of flesh instead of resisting temptation. I gained 35 pounds in the last 6 months. That is not how I want to live my life. Yesterday I determined to get back on track. It was nice to actually wake up hungry and know that it was a good thing. After a bowl of cereal to stop the pains, and a 25 calorie cup of cocoa (with 25 calories of whip cream) to warm my insides, here we are. I have noticed how much my eating habits effect every area of my life. I have felt lately like I was far away from God; that I couldn't hear Him anymore. I was struggling to keep any kind of prayer life and had no desire to go to church. Actually, I had no desire to do anything. I was still a Christian; just wasn't pursuing much of a relationship with my Creator.
It wasn't only my walk with Christ that was different. I noticed how easily I was snapping at people. I had become judgemental and distant. I didn't want to go to the center, exercise, teach, or anything else. I blamed it on depression. I blamed it on how busy I was studying for my exam. I blamed it on the clients and how cruel some of them have been (Women in recovery can be deadly!) I never blamed my eating habits. I didn't consider how much my choices would effect other areas of my life.
As the end of the year came, I began thinking about New Years resolution and how I really didn't want to have any because most people never actually follow through with them. Then I began to think about all the New Years that we have jumped into with excitement and expectations - plans on how everything would be so different this year - just to end the year and start another with basically no change. Pastor Glenn at Solid Rock used to say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I feel like I've had a lifetime of insanity. I'm ready to break that cycle. It really doesn't matter how many New Years are spent making resolutions and determinations; if the method doesn't change the results will stay the same.
So my resolution, if I have one, is to simple do something different. Change the method so to speak. Instead of planning all these things I'm going to change, I'm simply committing to live differently. Sometimes we have to do things before we feel like doing them. So I started yesterday with prayer. I prayed even though I didn't feel like it - and I wrote in my Hungry for God blog about what happened.
I am committed to change. I am committed to prayer. And it's making all the difference. I feel better about myself. I have the strength to resist food. I'm nicer to my family. And I'm getting "downloads" again. For years, I've focused on a rigid Bible reading - 2 chapters in Old T, 2 chapters in New T, 1 psalm, 1 proverb. I would ask God to help me understand what I was reading, but often had read so much I ended up getting very little out. This year I'm committed to taking my time. I might not read much, but I get so much out of it. One verse can feed me all day. Ephesians 1:19 was the devotional verse for today. "You will know that God's power is very great for us who believe." Wow.
I am committed to walk in God's power. I am committed to letting Him change me. I am committed to becoming the person He desires me to be. I am committed to doing it His way - no big plans or schemes - just focusing on Him and letting Him do the rest. God's power is very great - that is enough for me.
No comments:
Post a Comment