I have a hero. Yes, of course, Jesus, but I mean besides Jesus. Someone I admire and am inspired by. His name is Apolo Anton Ohno. He is an Olympic speed skater. He is the most decorated American in winter games history. I know there are many other stroies out there that are full of inspiration; tons of people who push themselves and achieve what most of us can't even dream about, but for some reason Apolo is one that I really seem to connect with. I admire his determination to work hard and push himself harder; to refuse to be anything but the best he can be. I've quoted something I heard him say before; something like "Everyday I ask myself, have I done my absolute best at being the best I can be?" That inspires me. It makes me think. And dream. And he is the reason for today's blog - or at least the begining of it.
Apolo Ohno recently published a book called "Zero Regrets." I started reading it yesterday. I am on page 6 now. I know, that isn't much, but sometimes it doesn't take much for God to speak to me! He mentioned having to know who you want to be - not WHAT you want to be - WHO. And then go after it with everything you've got. So for 2 days I've been asking God, Who am I? Who was I created to be? Because that is who I want to be - the person God designed for me to be. What's the difference between who I am and what I am? Still not real sure on that one. I'm 42 years old and I'm still not sure that I even know who I am. Hmmmmm. I went to sleep last night asking God "Who am I?" And I woke up thinking about it still. So in thmy prayer time this morning I wrote down what I did know. Then I worte what God revealed. Time for more total honesty.
I do have regrets. I admit it. I regret that I haven't done more with my life. I regret getting this out of shape and not caring about myself more. I regret that I never did anything incredible with the brain God gave me. I was ranked in the top 9% of my high school class, I tested at borderline genius, I graduated valedictorian of Bible College - yet I sit here as day after day passes by and I've not accomplished anymore than the average person - maybe even less. This may be my biggest regret. I completely believe that if God gave me a highly intelligent brain there was a reason; which means I have also disapointed Him and failed in my giftings. (Not walking in condemnation - just total honesty - sometimes needed to get to the other side.) Bear with me here. I regret how mean and judgemental I am to the people around me. And I truly regret that I can honestly say that there are times in my past where I was much more intimate with God than I am right now.
So there I am. Confronted with my regrets. I do have some. But what I realized in writing this stuff down is this - I have the power to change every single one. No one else can change it - but I CAN. Acknowledging the regrets gives me a starting point. I know where to focus. I would encourage everyone to do this. Take some time to write down the regrets you have and then look over it. If there are some you can't change - things that have happened to you - make a decision now to release them - let them go. I don't regret the things in my past - they brought me to where I am; they developed character and strength in my life. Then take the rest of your list and decide today to do soemthing different. Do you regret getting married? Then choose to be the best spouse you can possibly be! Whatever it is that you regret - make the decision to move past that by doing something to change it.
Now for the next part - Who Am I? Who do I want to be? What I am is easy - pastor, teacher, mother, wife, personal trainer. What I want to be is easy - speaker, author, motivator. But WHO AM I? This has stumped me. What is the difference? God took me to His word. Who Am I according to his word? More than a conqueror. Overcomer. A Christian. Christian is not what I am - it's who I am; because I'm a Christian I can overcome the regrets in my life. I can run and not grow weary. So I have determined to take Who I am and my list of regrets, and come up with a few basic goals in which to live my life.
I commit to be the best wife/mother I can be.
I commit to be the best Christian I can be.
I commit to be the best trainer I can be.
I commit to be the best author I can be.
I commit to be the best speaker I can be.
I commit to be the best life I can be. If today is the last day I have, if today is the day I will be remembered for, I want it to count.
By the end of prayer, I had my answer.
WHO do I want to be?
Someone who loves life
Who lives
Who enjoys God and His creation
Who tries to be the best I can be.
That's Who I am - and I will go after that with everything I have.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
God's Power is Great
I woke up hungry today. I thought about all the people in the world who wake up hungry every day and wish they weren't. I rejoice that I am. For too long I have used excuses to give in to the desires of flesh instead of resisting temptation. I gained 35 pounds in the last 6 months. That is not how I want to live my life. Yesterday I determined to get back on track. It was nice to actually wake up hungry and know that it was a good thing. After a bowl of cereal to stop the pains, and a 25 calorie cup of cocoa (with 25 calories of whip cream) to warm my insides, here we are. I have noticed how much my eating habits effect every area of my life. I have felt lately like I was far away from God; that I couldn't hear Him anymore. I was struggling to keep any kind of prayer life and had no desire to go to church. Actually, I had no desire to do anything. I was still a Christian; just wasn't pursuing much of a relationship with my Creator.
It wasn't only my walk with Christ that was different. I noticed how easily I was snapping at people. I had become judgemental and distant. I didn't want to go to the center, exercise, teach, or anything else. I blamed it on depression. I blamed it on how busy I was studying for my exam. I blamed it on the clients and how cruel some of them have been (Women in recovery can be deadly!) I never blamed my eating habits. I didn't consider how much my choices would effect other areas of my life.
As the end of the year came, I began thinking about New Years resolution and how I really didn't want to have any because most people never actually follow through with them. Then I began to think about all the New Years that we have jumped into with excitement and expectations - plans on how everything would be so different this year - just to end the year and start another with basically no change. Pastor Glenn at Solid Rock used to say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I feel like I've had a lifetime of insanity. I'm ready to break that cycle. It really doesn't matter how many New Years are spent making resolutions and determinations; if the method doesn't change the results will stay the same.
So my resolution, if I have one, is to simple do something different. Change the method so to speak. Instead of planning all these things I'm going to change, I'm simply committing to live differently. Sometimes we have to do things before we feel like doing them. So I started yesterday with prayer. I prayed even though I didn't feel like it - and I wrote in my Hungry for God blog about what happened.
I am committed to change. I am committed to prayer. And it's making all the difference. I feel better about myself. I have the strength to resist food. I'm nicer to my family. And I'm getting "downloads" again. For years, I've focused on a rigid Bible reading - 2 chapters in Old T, 2 chapters in New T, 1 psalm, 1 proverb. I would ask God to help me understand what I was reading, but often had read so much I ended up getting very little out. This year I'm committed to taking my time. I might not read much, but I get so much out of it. One verse can feed me all day. Ephesians 1:19 was the devotional verse for today. "You will know that God's power is very great for us who believe." Wow.
I am committed to walk in God's power. I am committed to letting Him change me. I am committed to becoming the person He desires me to be. I am committed to doing it His way - no big plans or schemes - just focusing on Him and letting Him do the rest. God's power is very great - that is enough for me.
It wasn't only my walk with Christ that was different. I noticed how easily I was snapping at people. I had become judgemental and distant. I didn't want to go to the center, exercise, teach, or anything else. I blamed it on depression. I blamed it on how busy I was studying for my exam. I blamed it on the clients and how cruel some of them have been (Women in recovery can be deadly!) I never blamed my eating habits. I didn't consider how much my choices would effect other areas of my life.
As the end of the year came, I began thinking about New Years resolution and how I really didn't want to have any because most people never actually follow through with them. Then I began to think about all the New Years that we have jumped into with excitement and expectations - plans on how everything would be so different this year - just to end the year and start another with basically no change. Pastor Glenn at Solid Rock used to say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I feel like I've had a lifetime of insanity. I'm ready to break that cycle. It really doesn't matter how many New Years are spent making resolutions and determinations; if the method doesn't change the results will stay the same.
So my resolution, if I have one, is to simple do something different. Change the method so to speak. Instead of planning all these things I'm going to change, I'm simply committing to live differently. Sometimes we have to do things before we feel like doing them. So I started yesterday with prayer. I prayed even though I didn't feel like it - and I wrote in my Hungry for God blog about what happened.
I am committed to change. I am committed to prayer. And it's making all the difference. I feel better about myself. I have the strength to resist food. I'm nicer to my family. And I'm getting "downloads" again. For years, I've focused on a rigid Bible reading - 2 chapters in Old T, 2 chapters in New T, 1 psalm, 1 proverb. I would ask God to help me understand what I was reading, but often had read so much I ended up getting very little out. This year I'm committed to taking my time. I might not read much, but I get so much out of it. One verse can feed me all day. Ephesians 1:19 was the devotional verse for today. "You will know that God's power is very great for us who believe." Wow.
I am committed to walk in God's power. I am committed to letting Him change me. I am committed to becoming the person He desires me to be. I am committed to doing it His way - no big plans or schemes - just focusing on Him and letting Him do the rest. God's power is very great - that is enough for me.
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