Date Night

Had my date night with hubby last night.  It was fantastic!!  I was so tempted to eat at the restaurant, but I am so glad that we didn't.  We went to one of my fav Chinese restaurants and picked out everything we wanted.  I had to realize ahead of time, that I am worth spending a little money on occassionally and even if to go is more expensive than eating in, it is safer for me and easier to refrain from overeating.  SO, we got our food and for the 2 of us it was just a little over $40!  Not much  more than eating in AND we both have a meal left for tomorrow!!  If I didn't eat sushi it would have been much less, sushi was .75 each piece - but so worth it!

The restaurant we went to is at the Seminole Mall, so after we paid, we walked to the center of the mall and the place is almost deserted - the food court had one family that sit for a little while - and most stores were closed.  We sat and ate and talked and just spent time together.  I did want to keep eating, but forced myself to close up the boxes and stack them up.  Then we walked through some stores and headed home.

Since the whole point of this blog is to share my struggles as well as triumphs, I will share what happened next.  My husband stopped at a little store to get coffee and when he ran in, I grabbed the top box and started eating shushi.  I had eaten 2 pieces before I realized that I was not hungry and was simply eating to eat.  NOT GOOD!!! - Old behaviors.  I quickly put the box away and resisted the rest of the time.  I have no idea how many calories I've eaten, but it is the first time in my life that I've gone to an all you can eat restaurant and made it home without being stuffed.  I didn't even feel full!

Today, I was tempted to eat sushi for breakfast, but again I resisted.  I ate my normal Fiber Bar and then waited until I was truly hungry.  THEN, I ate my leftovers.  There was not enough for a third meal, so I ate everything that was left.  A little more than I should have.  I'm full right now and I try to never reach that point, although some of it is probably the water that I guzzled down afterward.  Watch the warning signs - if ignored they can lead to open doors and back to old behavior.  Just NEVER GIVE UP!!  Keep in touch - we can do this - TOGETHER! 

Goal #1 accomplished!

I have reached my first goal!! My goal was to break 300 pounds by January 1st. Actually, I wanted 298 so I was under the 300 mark. This morning I weighed in at 296!!! YEAH!! Thannk you Jesus! I can't remember the last time I was under 300. I know I was over in 2006, but I don't remember before that.  I want to get copies of old Dr. visits so I know how much time has been reversed at each step.  I saw a picture of myself last night and I can actually see the difference now.  Thank you Jesus.  People keep telling me I'm doing great and they are so proud of me, but I have to remember that it's ONLY through the power of Jesus that I can do this at all.  I have never had willpower or discipline.  God has truly set me free.
Yes, I am taking a reward for this.  I have worked very hard and I want to celebrate.  However, I also remember that any time I've taken a "treat" day, it's been followed by failure.  Another reason why I think this is so much a spiritual battle.  When I give in to temptation and over eat, I open the door for the demonic to come back 6 times worse.  That's what it's always been like - once I give in, I go off the deep end worse than ever.  Before my deliverance, I was eating non stop and had started purging again as well.  I said all that to say this, I am takingn steps to enjoy my reward without blowing my lifestyle.  Here's how:  My husband is taking me out for sushi.  It's my fav - I would eat sushi everyday if I could.  That's what I want as my reward.  That may be easier than what others might choose, but it can still be bad if I eat the way I use to.  SO, my favorite restaurants are Chinese Buffets so I can eat tons of everything I like!  I will be going to the restaurant I love and I will get everything I enjoy - even the bad stuff!  HOWEVER, we will be buying it TO GO!  We did this once before and it was perfect.  I feel like I did not have to go without anything, and I actually got to enjoy Chinese and sushi for 3 days!!  It's like having your cake and eating it to!  Everything I want, but I can eat at my pace in my time.
So I'm waiting patiently for Tuesday (our date night) to enjoy my fav food.

On to my next goal.  I realized right away that I NEED goals.  I have to be able to see progress to keep going.  So it's vital that I set small, attainable goals to stay motivated.  Otherwise I don't see a reason to continue.  For example, I still need to lose 136 pounds to reach my goal of 160.  That's like 2-3 years of work.  I think, why bother. . . BUT!  So I've decided my next goal is to reduce my BMI to 39.9 by February 28th.  I'm not sure if that can be done, but it's something to work for.  My personal trainer says I can reach it in 60 days.  We'll see.  My BMI was 52 and now it's below 48 just based on what they say at www.fitday.com.  It says 40 or higher is consider extreme obesity, so I've made it my new goal to get out of the "extremely obese" group.  Come with me - there's power in numbers.  We can do this.  You can do this!!  And you will feel so much better when you do.

By the way, if you're located in St. Petersburg, FL - my personal trainer is great and he has group and individual openings.  Come workout with me!! : )

I've made it 60 days now with eating correctly. I want to believe that the struggle is over and I'm home free. But it's becoming more and more obvious that this is not the case. In fact, it seems to be getting very difficult for me right now. Seems like everywhere I go people are indulging. The desire to eat has come back. It's like a voice on my shoulder; telling me to eat, eat, eat. It's harder to fight right now, because I've reached the place where change begins to slow down. I lost 1 or 2 pounds this week, but I don't feel any difference. I've reached a point where I don't FEEL like walking or working out. It has become a chore. I keep pushing forward. I keep reminding myself of the changes I have experienced. A stronger heart. My doctor said my blood pressure is perfect!! (It was high 4 weeks ago.) A new size in clothes. The realization that if I quit I will quickly go back to being almost 350 pounds. It's just so much work to live this way. But I am believing that this too shall pass. I am trussting that this is just a HUMP and if I keep going I will one day not mind working out. I will be glad when I can maintain rather than fight to lose. I look forward to the day that I can do things I like instead of having to walk daily. Once my muscles are strong enough to work harder. I have to remember that I have had a great start and I always knew tough periods would come. But I am not ready to quit. I am not ready to give up. I thank God for a trainer that I have to face on Saturday. Knowing that he will be there and he will be looking for progress helps me keep going. It helps me push. I know he will push me and I don't want to be weak in front of someone so I push my body during the week to strengthen it for Saturday. I'm hoping to cut down my walking to 3 days a week and take up dancing or other cardio twice a week, but it doesn't raise my heart rate as much so I'm not sure if I'm ready to make that move. Oh well, guess I'm hitting the pavement in the a.m.! I KNOW IT WILL BE WORTH IT ONE DAY!!

I am growing more and more every day. I'm shocked at how many changes I am experiencing already! Today I was able to jog for 2 minute intervals! All I could do was thank Jesus over and over. I am amazed at how incredible our bodies are created. That after only a few weeks of walking and some effort, someone out of shape and weighing more than 300 pounds can jog for 2 minute intervals! God is wonderful!! Today I walked about 40 minutes and in that time I jogged 2 minutes spots 5 times. I am up to 10 minutes of total jogging!! THANK YOU JESUS! Figure this - on November 2 I began walking. I walked 1 mile the first day and 1.5 miles 2 other days that week. The week of November 9th I walked 1.5 miles Monday, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. The last 2 days I began jogging; 30 second intervals 3 times Thursday and 6 times Friday. A total of 3 minutes of jogging. That was the best I could do!!

The week of November 16th, I began walking all 5 weekdays and increased my jogging to 40 second intervals 6 times each walk. On Friday, I made it 7 times! Small steps and effort make big differences!! Last week, (Nov. 23) I started Monday with 45 second intervals 6 times and the last jog a full minute! The rest of the week I jogged 60 second intervals 7 times and increased Friday to 90 seconds a couple times!

Now for this week - I've increased my distance - I think I'm close to 2 miles now. Monday I jogged 90 seconds for 5 intervals and today I felt good so I pushed farther. Today I did 5 intervals of 2 minutes. YEAH!! Now if the heal spurs would just go away my life would be much easier!!

I'm enjoying this journey. Learning to find the little changes to help stay motivated. I know there is a long road ahead of me, but I'm making the most out of it!!

My New Life

It's amazing!! I have not slipped one single time since being set free. My eating habits have reduced to about a third and I have started walking. In six weeks my life has changed drastically. I still have such a long way to go, but I am learning to enjoy the changes that I'm experiencing now and embracing the small improvements that I can already notice. God is so faithful. I began walking 3 weeks ago. The first week I walked 3 days - Monday, Wednesday, Friday. The 2nd week I walked 4 days - Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and the 3rd week I pushed to 5 days. In the 3rd week, I began in my walks to do a few seconds of slow jogging. This week (week 4) I am working on increasing the time that I jog during my walk. I have also been blessed to begin working with a personal trainer. We have met twice and I'm learning basic exercises that can be done at home with little or no equipment.

It is hard. Exercising is hard and sometimes painful. But I find that I am feeling better than I can remember in a very long time. I feel like I stand straighter, walk better, feel more confident. It's like I'm alive for the first time. I have lost 20 pounds. I still have 145 pounds to go. It seems like an impossible battle, but at the same time I love the way I'm feeling. I'm noticing changes. My heart is stronger. I don't get out of breathe as easy. My muscles are strengthening - I'm beginning to actually be able to do the simple exercises that I couldn't do 2 weeks ago.

I've been praying and asking God to protect my health and add His super to my natural. To help me honor Him with my efforts. I love God, I love life, I love me. I still try to avoid mirrors.

Update.

Wow! I haven't written in well over a year. Well, that is about to change. I have been set free through deliverance and I have to shout it from the rooftops! I should be keeping in touch much more now.

If you are a spirit filled Christian and nothing has worked to help you get your eating habits under control then you may want to prayerfully consider deliverance. Prayer to remove anything spiritual or emotional stuff that's holding you back.