How do 2 weeks go by without me writing?! I feel like it's only been a few days!! I will def try to get better about this. I'm always thinking of things I would like to share, and then don't seem to get them here. It's like I write them in my head but not down on the comp. Anyways, I'm still plugging along. I have made it 90 days now and I've lost over 40 pounds. I know that is a lot, and I'm incredibly grateful, but it is starting to come off slower and I'm getting frustrated. I don't want to give up - I don't want to ever go back to what I was, but I almost want people to stop making a big deal about it. Don't get me wrong, part of me loves attention. (Total honesty, right?) Knowing people are watching helps me keep working. But another part of me wants to stop working so hard and just settle for how far I've gotten - just keep my eating plan and let go of all the hard workout stuff. Like, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a "fit" person, and I should just accept being smaller, but give up trying to be toned.
This post is just going to be my ramblings because right now so many different things run through my brain. I think the reality is that my brain is having a hard time waiting for my body to catch up. See, I feel amazing. I feel younger, taller, thinner, stronger - beautiful. Then I look in the mirror. And the old mindset comes flying back in. Instead of seeing the improvement and all I've accomplished I see all that's left to do. I see how much fat is still there. I see what my trainer sees and I think I should do him a favor and quit. Why would anyone want to work with a person my size? What a joke I must be.
I am posting this hoping that someoen out there who deals with this stuff will realize they are not alone. Hopefully I can help someone somewhere to refuse to give up - atleast for today. See, this is where we must fight the battle in our mind. This is where we have to be open with someone (especially God) and let another person know our fears. I wrote above what I think my trainer sees when I work with him, but what he has actually told some is that seeing how hard I work makes him want to work harder in his own life. I motivate him! We must realize that the junk in our head is simply that - junk. I must keep working - some days I'll do better than others, but everyday I will strive to honor God with my body. And I will wait - patient or not - for my body to catch up with my brain. (Explanation of this later!)
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