Why I Worship . . .

The other day I was in my worship time with God and I began to reflect on His love for us. The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. It's easy to love someone when they love you first. It's easy to love someone who's always there; someone who's patient, strong, and always has you on their mind. But so many times I talk to people that struggle with loving God. There are so many reasons: I can't hear God, He doesn't talk to me, why did He let this or that happen, I don't feel God near me, I've done too many bad things, and on and on and on. . . .
We struggle to love God because we DOUBT His love for us. We struggle to overcome the things that have happened in our lives that would APPEAR to say God does not care. We doubt His love when we struggle to hear His voice, when we walk through dark times, when we FEEL alone. If we would only step back and truly look at our situation, truth begins to enlighten us. Doubt, appearances, and feelings are all based on our own opinions; not necessarily reality.
What is reality? Reality is that God loves us. No matter how we feel or what we think or what it looks like; God LOVES us. So much so He gave His son to die for us. And the Son? Jesus loves us so much that He saw us when there was NOTHING good in us and CHOSE to die for us anyway. He looked at us in our sin, in our darkness, in our hopelessness and climbed on a cross to die for us. I worship a God who loved me when I hated Him, when I blamed Him, when I despised Him. I worship a God who loved me when I could not love myself; a God that offered me hope and life when I deserved death and condemnation. How can I not worship a God that loves like that? How could I offer anything less than my absolute praise? When I think about that kind of love, I have to worship. Regardless of situations or circumstances, that love does not waiver or change. I can rely on His love, lean on His love, depend on His love.
His love can overcome any obstacle and I refuse to look at the obstacle before me when I can gaze at the one who deserves my attention. No matter how dark things have been, how hopeless they have seemed, when I keep my focus on Him, I come out. I can look back and see where He used different situations to grow me, develop me, teach me, increase me. Whether I heard Him or not, felt Him or not; I can see now that He was always there. And He always will be, not only for me but for anyone willing to trust Him.

I love God because He first loved me. And His love will carry me. And as I reflect on that love, I just have to worship . . .

Honesty

I always say this is all about total honesty. So once again I’m writing what I’d rather not admit. I have been utterly failing. I did so well with my eating until I reached 6 months. Then I began to struggle. For the last 4 months I’ve been going back and forth. The last month has been ridiculous. We recently moved to Arizona from Florida so I’ve lost my gym and my trainer. About a month ago I quit training and let my pt go because we were moving. Then we took our youth group to camp for a week, spent the next week packing up and cleaning, the next week driving to AZ, and finally a week of getting settled in our new house. This week I thought I’d finally get back on track, but instead I’ve been turning to food every time I get bored or argue with my husband or just want to be lazy. Honestly, my eating has been exactly like before I was set free. If I continue like this it is only a matter of time before I’m back where I was.
I have had some improvement. 2 out of 3 days I’ve forced myself to get up and go for a walk. I feel like I’m starting over from scratch. I don’t feel like running, don’t want to workout, no energy, moody, blah blah blah. I’ve been looking at some of my old pics. I truly do NOT want to go back to that. I miss my trainer and I miss the gym and I have every excuse in the book to just give up. I have no accountability anymore and no encouragement. But I can’t give up. I have to get back in the game and move forward. I want health. I want to have energy. I want to be able to stay awake for the whole day without needing a nap. I want my back to not hurt every morning. I want to be able to run. It’s frustrating to have to start over from the beginning. But we need to remember when we fall that we have still made progress. I am still 70 pounds lighter than I was last year. I can jog farther than I could last year. Yes, I have fallen. I am not where I was 4 months ago, but I can get back there.
I need to remember that there are people who believe in me. I deserve freedom and I desire to take others with me into that freedom. I am praying that God will send me new accountability to help get my focus back, but either way – it is time to continue this journey. Father, give me the determination I need to be what I’m created to be. ALL that I’m created to be.

NOTE - this was written August 11th, before we had internet. Decided to share it with everyone. Maybe it will touch someone else to not give up.

There's a fire in my bones uncontainable

Can I quote a song? "There's a stirring in my heart, unexplainable. There's a calling on my days, undeniable. There's a fire in my bones uncontainable. And it's causing me to burn . . . for you" Burn for You by Steve Fee.

Wow! God is stiring things up like only He can do and continuing to blow my mind! As many of you know, we received a burden 2 months ago for Pheonix, Arizona. Monday, July 26 we will be packing the truck and heading out. We will be traveling about 2300 miles over 3 days in a truck to get there. Fun, fun!

We will be restructuring a recovery center in Phoenix and birthing a ministry to young people called "The Edge." Our desire is to build a ministry where any denomination can come and worship and be accepted - church that doesn't look anything like church. Our desire is also to continue doing conferences and some other projects as the Lord leads. All of this may change as our plan is to copy Matt Pitt when the Basement was birthed. Simply pray, worship, read the word, and then do exactly what God says!!

God has moved quickly in the last 2 months to position and prepare us for this transition. He has provided the $3000 for moving. Jody just returned from a 3 week trip there and he was able to find a house that is being held for us and rented monthly so we are free to move as God instructs. The recovery center found a building to plant a church and Jody became their worship Pastor. This building also gives us a place to start our meetings at a resonable fee. One of my hearts cry was to have a solid covering as we stepped out into new territory and God has also answered that. Not only has Aiming High moved under this new covering, but so have we. Last Sunday, Jody and I were ordained and commissioned by Pastors Deon and Carmen Lett and Aiming High is now an affiliate of New Destiny. I keep hearing "completion" in my spirit. Many of you will understand the significance of this move. There is peace and security in knowing that you have a covering that will pray when they say they will pray. I am so excited that God has brought us under a couple that I love so much.

I can't even begin to explain the burning in my spirit for this new step. Phoenix is the meth capital and human trafficking capital of our country. It is the number one place for kidnapping and the Mexican mafia is strong, but God is stronger. Last week we took our youth group to camp as our last event together and a saw a vision of one tendril of smoke rising out of the middle of Florida. That smoke suddenly burst into a raging fire and the fire burned across Florida and into the midwest, consuming states as it reached into and covered Arizona. I was thinking it looked like a wildfire with the quickness that it started and spread. God showed me that when a wildfire is in full force, there is little man can do to stop it. They can try different things to weaken the fire, but the only real hope to stop a raging wildfire is to get it to burn itself out. Then He told me that this is the fire inside each of us - the enemy can come against us and try to discourage us, but he cannot have victory. The only way to defeat us is if WE allow the fire to go out. That's why it is so important to have connections with others, to encourage and uplift and come together - it keeps the fire raging.

That's my little sermonette for the day. No matter what it looks like in the natural, the enemy DOES NOT HAVE THE POWER TO PUT YOUR FIRE OUT! He cannot win!

Our number one greatest need is prayer. Please cover us, our daughter, Aiming High, our finances, etc. Jody will need to find a paying job when we get there to support us and our ministry will need to bring in finances to cover it's costs as well. We truly need every aspect of this journey covered in prayers. We are going into a place of darkness and the darkness doesn't want us there, but our God is able and He has linked us with powerful prayer warriors for a reason. I am hoping to get better at sending out regular prayer requests as I get settled. Also, please respond and let me know if you want to receive our newsletter. Of couse, we need financial assistant and donations can be made on our web-site at www.aiminghighministries.com or www.terrihall.org if anyone is able. We love all of you and I look forward to seeing you the next time we're in the area.

Discovering Destiny!
Pastors Jody & Terri Hall

Fullfill Your Destiny!
www.aiminghighministries.com

Somebody Say BREAKTHROUGH!!

Psalm 30:5 For his anger lasts only a moment,but his favor lasts a lifetime!Weeping may last through the night,but joy comes with the morning.

God is so incredibly good. I got up this morning still feeling the same way. No desire to workout, no discipline to eat right; just excuse after excuse. Our air conditioner stopped working last night and I thought, "That is a good reason to stay home this morning - I need to wait for the repair man." Even though he hasn't even returned my call yet. And I would think that sane people would prefer an air conditioned gym and heated pool over a house in Florida with no air in June, but then, no one has ever accused me of being sane!

So there's my excuse. I text my trainer that I don't know if I can train today and I head to the kitchen for breakfast. Not finding anything appeasing, I decide to make pancakes (comfort food????). I of course burnt it and could only eat about half after cutting away the yuck. So the old mindset hits and I decide, yeah, I'm just gonna eat and I headed back to the kitchen to make more. In case you don't know, pancakes are one of the worst foods you can pick - full of sugar and calories and not much healthy stuff at all. Too many will make me need a nap.

So I'm in the kitchen and I remember the mountain video and the work it took to get me there and I begin to cry. (If you haven't seen the video it's on my blog about 3 stories before this one.) I came out of that kitchen crying out to God that I can not go backwards. I never want to be 300 pounds again. Or 340, or 320 or even 270. I want to honor Him with my body and I want my husband to be proud of me; not disappointed. I cried out for help. And then my trainer called. Said he was busy and we could cancel - it was up to me. I told him I NEED to go forward.

So here I am. I did not overeat, and I'm about to head out the door to the gym. The air conditioner will have to wait. I have to take care of me. This battle needs to be priority in my life. God heard my cries and he met me in my time of need. He always does. Last nights sorrow/shame/fear has become this mornings joy. He'll turn it around.

How does anyone make it without Jesus in their life? That question is beyond me.

Complete honesty

Total honesty, right? That's how I roll. That's how I want to help people, by being completely honest. But it's easier to be honest after you've made it through the struggle and succeeded - who wants to admit when they're in the middle and not sure if they'll make it out. But that's what I've committed to do. I am struggling right now. I have been for over a month now. That's dangerous. That is not a couple of days or a "once in awhile." It's a regular thing that's been going on for about 5 weeks now - that's like relapse for addicts.
It's a scary thing, because HONESTLY, I'm afraid I won't make it back on track. I'm afraid that I'm stuck and I'm going to slide back down this hill that I've been climbing. I've been able to slide for the last month because people still think I look different, but I know I allowed some compromise and now I feel like I can't get back on track. Every day I get up determined to eat right and by afternoon I'm ignoring that voice that says to stop. Every night I tell myself I'll go running and every morning I find a reason not to. I know that if I stay like this, I will eventually end up back where I was. I never want to go back there again. So why isn't that enough to get me back on track? Why am I stuck in this hole again? Why am I having such a hard time controlling my flesh once again?
I don't know. I fell like I;m getting farther and farther away, but I can't give up. I have to find a way to stop myself from falling; to head back up the mountain. Gotta get my priorities straight.

So that's where I am. Stuck. . .drifting . . .hesitant, but believing that God will be glorified in this situation. He's got me, I just need to hold on.

Compromise is deadly

Have not been on track lately. I knew when I started this journey that compromise is the open door back to the beginning. Compromise is what has ruined my diets every time. You give in a little bit once, and then again, and again, and again and eventually you find yourself back where you started wondering what went wrong and feeling like there is simply no hope and no way out. I realized that this time and I was so careful to listen to my body, my mind, and the holy spirit; to stop when I needed to and be careful to watch my calories.
And then I began to compromise. I stopped writing down what I ate. I started increasing my calories with teh excuse that I was working out more and hungrier. Sometimes I think I was hungry but the point is I was justifying, not really searching for truth. Then we went on vacation and I told myself I would just eat normally while on vacation and get right back on my diet on our trip to Arizona. The problem is I always want to eat when I'm bored. When I have nothing else to do, that's my desire. But I have no excuses; I could have gone for a walk or exercised or something, but I used it as an excuse to blow my diet.
After 2 weeks of vacation, I've found it very hard to get back on track. In fact, last week I reached the point of excessive eating again. So what now?
Now I put things in place to get me back on track. I've prayed and asked God to help me. I confessed to my husband my struggling. I told my trainer I need accountability with my food journal again. While it's hard to break habits and the desire to keep eating is strong, I'm doing pretty good today. And I refuse to give up. I want this too badly.
So, whatever you trying to accomplish in life, remember this: compromise can be deadly.

Climbing Mountains - & Video

Alright, I am here to share what I experienced on May 8, 2010 in Phoenix, Arizona. I climbed a mountain. A real, actual, made out of rock mountain formed by glaciers umpteen years ago. Some people (who have never climbed mountains) told me it wouldn't be too hard - it would just be a lot of walking up a trail that would curve gently around to the top. So I thought it would be hard and talk me a while, but I would just take my time and stroll up a hill. A really big hill. SO, the mountain I climbed was Squaw Peak and I did not get very far before I was out of breath. I workout and do cardio regularly, but it is all on pretty flat inclines. I was not prepared for literally 1000's of steps of various sizes. Sure, some areas slope gently and you can just walk, but most of the climb is steps formed by different size rocks. It didn't take long for my thighs to burn and my heart to pound. I was tired when I hit the first marker that said .25 mile! A quarter of a mile?? I jog that in Florida. It's tough, but I do it. I could not believe that was as far as I'd gotten.

I kept going, determined to climb as far as I could, whether I made it to the top or not. Then my leg muscles began to shake. Sweat was literally dripping off my face and I could not catch my breath. We stopped at the next bench we came to (There were 5 benches I think.) and my hands were shaking so badly and I was crying and gasping for air. It was aweful (honesty is everything, right?)  I took a small break and kept going. It ws a very long trip. There were times I did not think I would make it to the top. There were times I did not think I had it in me. But I kept going. I had to stop often and let people go pass me because I was moving so slowly. There were times that I literally had no energy and did not know how I would climb another step. There were times that I had to climb on all fours, using my hands and feet to pull myself up over rocks. The closer you get to the top, the harder it is to climb (and the tireder you are). But somehow, God got me to the top of that mountain. I climbed every step on my own. I had friends with me that encouraged me and were there for me, but I took every step necessary to get me to the peak. It's 1.25 miles to the top, a distance I walk every day with no problem, but this was completely different than anything I've ever tried before. I was work. HARD work!

I cannot begin to describe the feeling of taking that final step onto the very peak of that mountain. I began to cry. The victory is indescribeable. Knowing that God had allowed me to accomplish something that had never even been an thought in my mind. Never in my life did I think I would be able to climb a mountain. It took me 2 hours but I did it! It's 2608 feet above sea level, but you have to climb back and forth so much, that the actual walk is much farther that that. I sat on top of the mountain and I wept. For God's goodness, His mercy, His perfect plan. For everything he's done in me to prepare me for that moment. I learned so much on this journey. 6 months ago, God knew I would be here. He began training and preparing; giving me the tools I would need to accomplish the task before me. To do something I'd never imagined.

How much could we actually accomplish if we lived like this? If we totally trusted God and gave Him everything? If we let Him rule in our lives completely? What kind of "beyond imagination" life would we live? One thing I know from all of this - I want to do more for Him. I want to experience more with Him. I want to learn more about Him. I want to give Him everything and watch in awe at what He does with it. AMEN!!

My wonderful hubby made a video of my climb. Check it out. And remember to rely on Him TOTALLY!!! I love all of you and HE DOES TO!!!