This is the post I never want to write. I have blown it. This weekend we took our youth kids to winter camp. I immediately slipped back into old behavior. I did try to make better choices - I bought pretzels and puffed corn for snacks instead of candy and chips. Problem is as soon as we were on the van I started eating and I ate for the whole 3 hour drive. I found myself going back to the cabin so I could eat snacks away from everyone. I ate the healthier choices while at camp, but I gave up checking calories and by today I was gone. Today I ate 2 sandwiches for lunch with 2 cookies and then bought a candy bar and ate that to! Then when I got home I bought Chinese Buffet. I got it to go which is what usually works for me, but tonight I ate all of it. I hate feeling this way. My stomach is full and I feel fat and full and lazy - YUCK!!! I wanted to throw up so badly but I know that won't make it better so I'm dealing and hopefully learning my lesson.
There's also a little fear. I haven't done this in 4 months. What if I've opened the door? What if I don't get back on track tomorrow? What if the enemy raises a flood against me? All I can do is ask God for forgiveness, close the doors, and pray for Him to be my strength. I need to work hard - I told God I woud give Him this month - I have blown it the weekend. I can see how I let my mind talk me into things. I would start with one thing and then reason out how it would be OK to go a little farther. This is never OK for me. I can not over eat.
Please Father God, help me to get right back on track. Help me to honor you with my body and to stop always pushing the line until I cross it. I don't want to cross the line anymore. I want to please you. I want to serve you, not be a slave to food. Keep me safe please. Remind me Holy Sirit to hide behind you when I'm weak - letting You be my perfect strength. FOrgive me for my sin today as I confess it for what it was and wash me clean. Thank you for your grace that is sufficient for me!! LOVE YOU!
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